I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
