i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Come on in and take your pants off
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