woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize