we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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