Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
