someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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