Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
