I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
