She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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