im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize