he shaved USA in his pubs
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
