when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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