mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
