Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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