question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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