They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
