If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
