Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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