Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
