Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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