your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize