Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
it's great music for shaving your balls
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
