once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
