onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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