Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
