Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
