I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
