wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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