That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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