my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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