It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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