Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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