I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
