ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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