And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
