I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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