she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
