dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
