Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
