I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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