I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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