You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
