im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
