Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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