I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize