Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
