p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
