why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
