My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
How external is "for external use only"?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize