You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
