I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
