No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
