so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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