just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
