I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
