Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
