I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
