your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
