She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
