If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
