I can text with my tongue
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
