hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
