He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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