dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
