At least make sure they are 18
Why
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
