I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
