I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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