Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
