Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
