he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
