im about as happy as oj after his trial
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
