I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
