Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
we're so committed to being not committed
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
