I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
